The Black Barbie Chronicles: What Fresh Hell Is This Part 2?

Interested in Part 2? Read on.

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

What Fresh Hell is This? Part 2

 So here is part 2 of The Medical Visit. After paying my hefty fee of the equivalent of 100 dollars, and checking in I begin with my first lie. The woman behind the counter asks if I’m fasting. I say yeah. She nods her head happy to hear that. I think that if I said no, I would need to return later and no that’s not happening.  Then I start to think; these people are looking for HIV and drugs; why does it matter if I’m fasting or not. Now I’m not a medical professional, but I’m sure that failing to fast will result in positive HIV and drug results. Unless there was a class or two I missed in basic science about drug usage and how disease spreads. Man, if they check my liver, it is game over. I try not worry about that. I just give the lady my 2 passport photos, my money, told Moon Yeoung bye and I’ll see him later.  I then proceeded to disappear down the hall to Medical Check Land.

      The first stop in Medical Check Land is to get naked.  One of the women at the front desk led me to a locker room and gave me a spiral key with a number one it. The number went to my locker. Sweet little lady pointed to the room and said “hospital gown; you change-e”. I knew I had to get naked and naked I did. Well I kept my panties on; no need to go full Porky Pig.

      What surprised me about the Korean gown was that the fucker fitted. It fitted with ample room to spare. I did not have to settle for the mythical one size fits all gown; they had big girl gowns here in Korea.  Now that I am changed, prepped, and primed let’s follow the steps to The Medical Check.

Step 1- The Urine Sample

It’s pee in a cup time people. Now when I say pee in a cup, that is what I did; I peeded into a cup. I was handed a Dixie cup with my name on it and told to fill it up and then I had to place that Dixie cup on tray with other up covered Dixie cups of urine. Did I also mention that NONE of the nurses were wearing gloves?  Anyhoo, on to step 2.

Step 2- The Blood Sample

After giving up some urine for The Cause, now it was time to give Korea some blood. Now I have issues with giving blood. It can be hard to find a vein, they collapse and they tend to criss cross. Now while I’m trying to think how to relay this tidbit of info to the tech, he turns my arm over, slap some alcohol on my skin, ties me off, taps a vein and sticks me. This man did this in a matter seconds; which is kind of scary. He actually fills up a couple of tubes with no issues.  I have had to get stuck several times in the states, but here in Korea, no problems. It kind of makes me wonder what else this man can do just as easily. Did I also mention the dude did this with no frigging gloves!  Gloves it seems are for pussies here in Korea Land. Anyway on to the next step, the physical.

Step 3-The Basic Physical

Now when I say basic, I mean basic. A nurse took my blood pressure, height, weight, and looked at my eyes and ears. She checked a box on my form and sent me on my way. Yea, radiation time.

Step 4- The Chest X-Ray

I walk down a corridor to the x-ray room. I see the machine, but the tech is behind the glass playing with his phone. I tap on the window to get the wanker’s attention; I have shit to do to today. My drinks won’t drink themselves. The poor man comes out the room looking embarrassed that I caught him on his phone. I guess he was looking at porn; who knows? He then positions me on the machine how he wants me; like many a guy has done in the past.  (Smile). He then tells me to take a bath. I said, “What”? He then repeats the request.  After looking at the confused look on my face, he holds up his finger for me to wait, runs into the room and looks on his phone. I see him slap his head and he puts his phone down and runs out.  

“Oh, so sorry. Please take a breath”.

This guy is all smiles as I take a deep breath while he runs back into the room to take my picture. All’s good and then he points me down the hall to see the doctor for my last and final stop, The Interview.

Step 5-The Interview

I walk into a very and I mean very formal office with an oak desk, bookcase, chairs and a curtain hiding an exam bed. I have never been in such a fancy office.  The man’s degrees are all over the wall.  A nurse comes to him and hands him a slip of paper. He looks at it and then asks me if I have an infectious disease and do I take narcotics.

Uh, duh, no!  I answered no and he wrote my answers down and told me to have a good day. The nurse is then instructing me to return back to the locker, change my clothes, and I’ll have the results in a few days. While getting dressed I thought a lot about my medical interview. I mean did the man think that I would come thousand of miles and answer yes to either question. I mean you would have to be pretty stupid to come this far and say yes. Then again, stranger things have happened and maybe, someone did do something as stupid as that once upon a time. Anyway it’s off for drinks and awaiting my results.

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Selfie Sundays Starring ME!

Hello from The Zoo.

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A Streetcar Named Desire

Here’s another classic I love, A Streetcar Named Desire.

Based on the play by Tennessee Williams, this renowned drama follows troubled former schoolteacher Blanche DuBois (Vivien Leigh) as she leaves small-town Mississippi and moves in with her sister, Stella Kowalski (Kim Hunter), and her husband, Stanley (Marlon Brando), in New Orleans. Blanche’s flirtatious Southern-belle presence causes problems for Stella and Stanley, who already have a volatile relationship, leading to even greater conflict in the Kowalski household.

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Peru Pics: Lima Pics

Somewhat high me in Lima.

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Wayback Wednesday Music: Monica So Gone

Some Monica for your Wednesday. Enjoy

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Travel Tuesday Cambodia: East Mebon

Here’s today’s place in Cambodia, East Mebon

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The Black Barbie Chronicles: What Fresh Hell Is This? Part 1

Wonder what’s it like to get a medical check in Korea? Read on and enjoy my pain.

F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

What Fresh Hell is this? Part 1:The Doctor’s Visit

You learn something new everyday and today was no exception. Here in Korea, the dirty foreigners need to do a medical check. So what is this “medical check” and why does it feel like The Spanish Inquisition? Well because it kind of sort of is. Read on and I shall educate you.

Well gentle readers, the South Korean government brings in thousands of new teachers year after year. Naturally this comes at a great expense to the government. They need to know if their investment is healthy and able to work. Think of it as a pimp making sure his girls are clean and healthy. In other words, how much money can these bitches make for me? We are the bitches and Korea’s our pimp.

      Also for some reason there is a vicious rumor concerning foreigners. Many Koreans feel that if we come into the country unchecked, we can spread diseases to the local populace. Heaven forbid us disease carrying human teacher pigeons will do that to the good people of Korea.

So I say all that to say this, a part of teaching English in Korea, we need to take a mandatory medical exam to prove we are healthy. If something shows up in our exam and the Korean government deems it dangerous, we are our on our asses quicker than you can say hello in Korean. So, it would be to your benefit to have some sort of exam prior to coming to Korea. You really don’t want to fly all the way over here on your dime just fly all the way back also on your dime. Fuck that.

      One thing, which seems to be a big no are emotional issues of any type. If you admit to having an emotional issue, it will cause problems. Somehow it is determined that emotional issues make you a shitty teacher. I can only guess that way back when a foreign teacher went ape shit in class one day and the Korean government chalked that up to emotional issues. Hell he could have had some bad meth or something that day.  I say blame it on the drugs.

      Anyway back to the medical. All foreign teachers coming in on the E2 teaching visa are required to pass a medical screening. You can not do this in your home country. No sir.  You need to use a government-approved hospital here in Korea land. Once you have the results, you take them to immigration to apply for the ARC, which is the national ID card. Basically if you screw up the medical, you are own your own.

      So what is the Korean government looking for? Basically to confirm or deny the lies or truths you put on your application. The biggies that will send you home is testing positive for HIV/AIDS, TB, any member of the Hep Family, and of course drugs.  If you use on the regular, then maybe Korea is not the place for you. Thank the Korean gods they don’t test for alcohol or I’d be up shit’s creek.

      So Moon Yeoung and I went to do the health check at this fancy hospital. My bill for all these tests came to a whopping 120,000 won or about 100 USD. Usually these tests cost between 70,000-90,000 Korean won which is usually around 50-70 USD. Trust me, I can’t do jack shit in Texas land with a hundred bucks in a hospital. Hell, the 100 bucks won’t cover the co-pay for the hospital visit, let alone to see a doctor. Did I mention I did all this shit with NO insurance. No insurance got me this. 

Of course you are all wondering what kind of bang I got for my buck. Well, I’ll tell you in the next post.

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The Black Barbie Chronicles: What Fresh Hell is This? Part 1

The pic says it all. I had a physical in Korea, and it was let’s say different. Check it out below.

F.M. Laster

“Never attempt to win by force what can be won by deception.”
― Niccolò Machiavelli

What Fresh Hell is this? Part 1:The Doctor’s Visit

You learn something new everyday and today was no exception. Here in Korea, the dirty foreigners need to do a medical check. So what is this “medical check” and why does it feel like The Spanish Inquisition? Well because it kind of sort of is. Read on and I shall educate you.

Well gentle readers, the South Korean government brings in thousands of new teachers year after year. Naturally this comes at a great expense to the government. They need to know if their investment is healthy and able to work. Think of it as a pimp making sure his girls are clean and healthy. In other words, how much money can these bitches make for me? We are the bitches and Korea’s our pimp.

      Also for some reason there is a vicious rumor concerning foreigners. Many Koreans feel that if we come into the country unchecked, we can spread diseases to the local populace. Heaven forbid us disease carrying human teacher pigeons will do that to the good people of Korea.

So I say all that to say this, a part of teaching English in Korea, we need to take a mandatory medical exam to prove we are healthy. If something shows up in our exam and the Korean government deems it dangerous, we are our on our asses quicker than you can say hello in Korean. So, it would be to your benefit to have some sort of exam prior to coming to Korea. You really don’t want to fly all the way over here on your dime just fly all the way back also on your dime. Fuck that.

      One thing, which seems to be a big no are emotional issues of any type. If you admit to having an emotional issue, it will cause problems. Somehow it is determined that emotional issues make you a shitty teacher. I can only guess that way back when a foreign teacher went ape shit in class one day and the Korean government chalked that up to emotional issues. Hell he could have had some bad meth or something that day.  I say blame it on the drugs.

      Anyway back to the medical. All foreign teachers coming in on the E2 teaching visa are required to pass a medical screening. You can not do this in your home country. No sir.  You need to use a government-approved hospital here in Korea land. Once you have the results, you take them to immigration to apply for the ARC, which is the national ID card. Basically if you screw up the medical, you are own your own.

      So what is the Korean government looking for? Basically to confirm or deny the lies or truths you put on your application. The biggies that will send you home is testing positive for HIV/AIDS, TB, any member of the Hep Family, and of course drugs.  If you use on the regular, then maybe Korea is not the place for you. Thank the Korean gods they don’t test for alcohol or I’d be up shit’s creek.

      So Moon Yeoung and I went to do the health check at this fancy hospital. My bill for all these tests came to a whopping 120,000 won or about 100 USD. Usually these tests cost between 70,000-90,000 Korean won which is usually around 50-70 USD. Trust me, I can’t do jack shit in Texas land with a hundred bucks in a hospital. Hell, the 100 bucks won’t cover the co-pay for the hospital visit, let alone to see a doctor. Did I mention I did all this shit with NO insurance. No insurance got me this. 

Of course you are all wondering what kind of bang I got for my buck. Well, I’ll tell you in the next post.

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Selfie Sundays Starring ME!

Pretty girl for a pretty Sunday!

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Strangers On A Trail

No noir for the month of April; they’re doing 31 Days of Oscars. So here’s one of my fav, Strangers on A Train.

In Alfred Hitchcock’s adaptation of Patricia Highsmith’s thriller, tennis star Guy Haines (Farley Granger) is enraged by his trampy wife’s refusal to finalize their divorce so he can wed senator’s daughter Anne (Ruth Roman). He strikes up a conversation with a stranger, Bruno Anthony (Robert Walker), and unwittingly sets in motion a deadly chain of events. Psychopathic Bruno kills Guy’s wife, then urges Guy to reciprocate by killing Bruno’s father. Meanwhile, Guy is murder suspect number one.

Check out the trailer below.

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