Interested in Part 2? Read on.
F. M. Laster
“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra
What Fresh Hell is This? Part 2
So here is part 2 of The Medical Visit. After paying my hefty fee of the equivalent of 100 dollars, and checking in I begin with my first lie. The woman behind the counter asks if I’m fasting. I say yeah. She nods her head happy to hear that. I think that if I said no, I would need to return later and no that’s not happening. Then I start to think; these people are looking for HIV and drugs; why does it matter if I’m fasting or not. Now I’m not a medical professional, but I’m sure that failing to fast will result in positive HIV and drug results. Unless there was a class or two I missed in basic science about drug usage and how disease spreads. Man, if they check my liver, it is game over. I try not worry about that. I just give the lady my 2 passport photos, my money, told Moon Yeoung bye and I’ll see him later. I then proceeded to disappear down the hall to Medical Check Land.
The first stop in Medical Check Land is to get naked. One of the women at the front desk led me to a locker room and gave me a spiral key with a number one it. The number went to my locker. Sweet little lady pointed to the room and said “hospital gown; you change-e”. I knew I had to get naked and naked I did. Well I kept my panties on; no need to go full Porky Pig.
What surprised me about the Korean gown was that the fucker fitted. It fitted with ample room to spare. I did not have to settle for the mythical one size fits all gown; they had big girl gowns here in Korea. Now that I am changed, prepped, and primed let’s follow the steps to The Medical Check.
Step 1- The Urine Sample
It’s pee in a cup time people. Now when I say pee in a cup, that is what I did; I peeded into a cup. I was handed a Dixie cup with my name on it and told to fill it up and then I had to place that Dixie cup on tray with other up covered Dixie cups of urine. Did I also mention that NONE of the nurses were wearing gloves? Anyhoo, on to step 2.
Step 2- The Blood Sample
After giving up some urine for The Cause, now it was time to give Korea some blood. Now I have issues with giving blood. It can be hard to find a vein, they collapse and they tend to criss cross. Now while I’m trying to think how to relay this tidbit of info to the tech, he turns my arm over, slap some alcohol on my skin, ties me off, taps a vein and sticks me. This man did this in a matter seconds; which is kind of scary. He actually fills up a couple of tubes with no issues. I have had to get stuck several times in the states, but here in Korea, no problems. It kind of makes me wonder what else this man can do just as easily. Did I also mention the dude did this with no frigging gloves! Gloves it seems are for pussies here in Korea Land. Anyway on to the next step, the physical.
Step 3-The Basic Physical
Now when I say basic, I mean basic. A nurse took my blood pressure, height, weight, and looked at my eyes and ears. She checked a box on my form and sent me on my way. Yea, radiation time.
Step 4- The Chest X-Ray
I walk down a corridor to the x-ray room. I see the machine, but the tech is behind the glass playing with his phone. I tap on the window to get the wanker’s attention; I have shit to do to today. My drinks won’t drink themselves. The poor man comes out the room looking embarrassed that I caught him on his phone. I guess he was looking at porn; who knows? He then positions me on the machine how he wants me; like many a guy has done in the past. (Smile). He then tells me to take a bath. I said, “What”? He then repeats the request. After looking at the confused look on my face, he holds up his finger for me to wait, runs into the room and looks on his phone. I see him slap his head and he puts his phone down and runs out.
“Oh, so sorry. Please take a breath”.
This guy is all smiles as I take a deep breath while he runs back into the room to take my picture. All’s good and then he points me down the hall to see the doctor for my last and final stop, The Interview.
Step 5-The Interview
I walk into a very and I mean very formal office with an oak desk, bookcase, chairs and a curtain hiding an exam bed. I have never been in such a fancy office. The man’s degrees are all over the wall. A nurse comes to him and hands him a slip of paper. He looks at it and then asks me if I have an infectious disease and do I take narcotics.
Uh, duh, no! I answered no and he wrote my answers down and told me to have a good day. The nurse is then instructing me to return back to the locker, change my clothes, and I’ll have the results in a few days. While getting dressed I thought a lot about my medical interview. I mean did the man think that I would come thousand of miles and answer yes to either question. I mean you would have to be pretty stupid to come this far and say yes. Then again, stranger things have happened and maybe, someone did do something as stupid as that once upon a time. Anyway it’s off for drinks and awaiting my results.