Black Barbie Chronicles: I’ve Got Some Complaints


Yes, I’m pretty much an overpaid talking monkey. Howerver, there are days when even Talking Monkeys have some things to get off their chests.  Brother, today is one of those days.  Check out my newest bitch fest, courtesy of Korea Land.  Enjoy!


F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

I’ve Got Some Complaints

      I teach students at all degrees of fluency and grade levels. After all, it is middle school. When I say, “teach” I use the term so very loosely, which could explain my complaints. Some of my students can carry on entire conversations with me. Others, I lose at Hello. Some are wonderfully kind; others are intolerable brats. Then there are the assholes. Take a guess as to which type I shall discuss today.

When I am teaching a class, I take my role seriously. By my definition of a teacher, my role is very different from what I would do if I were a teacher in Texas. I am not a paid educator. Korea has tons of well-qualified Korean-English teachers for that role. No, they pay me to be an NES; Native English Speaker. While my being American and female is a bonus and indeed preferred, White American and female is better; (hell it’s Korea), it’s not a necessity to finding work here. University educated native English speakers are in high demand here, and there are more jobs available than can possibly be filled. Some of these jobs are a scam, but others are quite good. I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones fortunate enough to find the latter. Despite all of my education and certificates, I’m still not truly an educator.

My students do not respect me as they would respect their Korean teachers. Given that my Korean co-teachers seemingly put in far more work than I do, perhaps it would be wrong of me to expect the same respect. My unofficial job description is merely to show up on time, look presentable, don’t show up drunk, hung-over, don’t screw the students, and be the American English Speaking Puppet for 4.5 hours a day. This is why I go by the name Black Barbie. Black Barbie just sort of rolls of the tongue a little better than Black Barbie, the American English Speaking Puppet For Kiddies Who Don’t Respect Me. That’s a little hard to roll off the tongue.

I am so sure that the people back in Texas Land, may be under some sort of delusion that I have in the space of 45 days become a mature, responsible adult. Oh baby, let me put that shit out of your minds REAL QUICK. I am still the same lazy, self-entitled bitch from before. I have now found a place where they will pay me full-time wages to do nothing more which I do naturally. This is, what they pay me for; sitting on my pretty black ass getting as much money as possible and doing as little work as possible. You know, living the American dream overseas. How dare these “foreigners” whose country I have come to make we WORK for a living? The Bastards! What, surely you did not think that I am here to do whatever that bullshit on the TITS flyer stated, “ to enrich the Korean students and help them become better English speakers”…. Ha, I say, Ha! To paraphrase Ice Cube, “ Do I look like an f’ing role model?” Yeah right, bitches.

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