The Black Barbie Chronicles: Black Barbie Bringing Lispy Back


Hey, did you guys know I have a lisp? Not bad, but not good for someone who’s teaching English.  Check out this little ditty about me having to teach punctuation.


F. M. Laster

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

Black Barbie Bringing Lispy Back

For anyone who has taken a chance to listen to the words flying out of mouth may notice two things. One, depending on how drunk or fast I’m speaking I have the Texas Twang. The second is a lisp.

When I just a little Baby Black Barbie, my parents thought something was wrong with me. Well, there was, but this was different. My ass was thrown into speech therapy for a few years to correct the lisp. However, like my bad taste in me, the therapy didn’t stick.
I do have the ability to speak without the lisp, but it’s hard. Most of the time it feels unnatural, like sex with an ugly man, I don’t do it since both actions would be forced.

Believe me; I have stopped giving a fuck about what I sound like to other people many moons ago. There is no real excuse for my lisp. Everything seems to work fine like my tongue, and my jaw shape is fine. I’ve decided that’s the way the good Lord made, and who the hell am I to question his wisdom. Black Barbie has a lisp, so deal with it, folks.
Now several of my sadistic friends get a kick out hearing me say fifth or physics, but I expect that from the jackasses I hang out with. You should hear how I tease them!

After a while, I had forgotten about my lisp; that is until today. I did something fun today at the request of one of my co-teachers to teach pronunciation. This stupid, mind-numbing exercise is, however, a necessity to my poor students and my co-teacher. I swear Mr. Kim’s lucky he’s hot or this shit would never happen.

Anyway, we are trying to recognize and differentiate between similar sounds. I think you can pretty figure out where this shit’s going to go. The sounds were “z” and “s.” Now, I had no issues with shoes and zoos. My problem came with rattling off a list of s-words with the quickness.

You know I actually got away with it. Now I heard how I fucked up the words, but my kids didn’t. Then again, I’m sorry to say with their accents I really couldn’t tell if they messed up or not. I lied and said that they did a good job, now go and practice. Yep, no fucks were given that day.

This entry was posted in Weekly Updates and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s