The Black Barbie Chronicles: Quit Riding My Ass


This one here is a personal pet peeve of mine. I despise it when people ride my ass; both in person and while I’m driving.  Korea really brought out the Petty Betty in me.  Check out this little diddy and enjoy.

F. M. Laster

“I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.” -Mae West

Quit Riding My Ass

Hello all! I have this fun sick twisted game that I like to play from time to time depending on what mood I’m in. The game is called Quit Riding My Ass! The rules are elementary; people stop riding my ass.

I have a thing about personal space; I like to have it. I have a significant hate fest for people who People Tailgate. Seriously, if I can feel your hot breath on my neck that means your ass is just too damn close! Unless you’re a serial killer, why do you need to be on my ass!

Quit Riding My Ass is not a new game or something I discovered in Korea Land. Nope folks, I’ve been playing this game for years both on the mean streets of Houston and in the malls. Human Tailgaters are everywhere in this world. There are no rules to this game, and the way to win is to have the Human Tailgater stop riding your ass. One of my true and tested methods of getting the Human Tailgater off my ass to come to a complete stop in the middle of the street for no reason. This causes the Human Tailgater to run smack into me. Me stopping usually ends with the jerk looking confused, annoyed, and then walking away in the other direction. Yeah, I won!

Granted, there are times when it can be a bit inappropriate to play Black Barbie’s favorite game of Quit Riding My Ass. There are places where I can’t do that. If I try and play that shit during Rodeo Season in Houston, I will be met with a punch in the face and a well-placed string of profanity. However, any other time, it’s a go. If you’re riding my ass Human Tailgater, then you deserve what happens to you.

Lauren here in Korea thinks I shouldn’t play Quit Riding My Ass, the Korean Version while I in Korea. Lauren argues that it’s not a good game to play since Koreans do not have the same concept of personal space as us Americans. She thinks that if I play the game in Korea Land, I may get met with a punch in the face. I try and explain to her, no, I’m not giving the Koreans any quarter. I’m not racist; all Human Tailgaters get the same treatment. They ride my ass; I’m playing my game.

The few times I’ve played the game in Korea I’ve gotten the usual results I get back home. Many times people stop when I stop and go around me. A few have run into me, and I turn around and say in a loud voice in Korean, don’t touch! That one got some looks. There were a couple of times where I stopped, then people ran into me and fell backward! One poor woman lost all her groceries when they flew out of her hand! That was funny.

Until I get as Lauren calls it a most deserved punch in the face, I’ll continue to play Quit Riding My Ass, the Korean Version.



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